


One More Try

by EmpressVegah



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-18
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-20 14:03:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/888121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmpressVegah/pseuds/EmpressVegah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alfred is in love with Arthur. Arthur is in love with his work. When Alfred realizes that he is just a hindrance to Arthur's success, he gives him the freedom to do what he really wants. Break up fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is another break-up fic I've been itching to do since forever. Please forgive me for inaccuracies.  
> 

Well, if it wasn’t a wonderful day to be alive and in love, Alfred mused as he sat up on his bed, the alarm clock blaring at him to wake up. But he wasn’t annoyed with the clock. He even smiled goofily at it, silencing the device. He stood up and stretched his arms, loving how they popped and generally made him feel all the more better.

Because today was the three hundredth day of his relationship with Arthur Kirkland.

Arthur Kirkland was Alfred’s boyfriend for ten months already – and they’d been friends for three years before that, and they’d known each other for a longer period of time. Years before, their common friends had joked that they would surely end up together, judging by how close the two always were, and how, despite the blatant affections of girls from both high school and university, Alfred never seemed to get a girlfriend for his own. People already accepted the fact that Arthur Kirkland would never get a girl himself – he was just as picky, if not more so, than the girls at their place, and was too busy with his schoolwork and academic life to actually settle in a relationship.

So somehow, it both came as a surprise, and not really a surprise, when Alfred announced to their friends that he and Arthur were together, as in, dating ‘together’, ten months ago. Half of them said that they saw it coming, and half of them were shocked that Arthur actually said yes to Alfred. But then they later understood that no one could really say no to Alfred’s persistence – especially if he used his infamous puppy eyes, which they had assumed Arthur was immune to. As it turned out, he wasn’t.

Even if their relationship wasn’t perfect like they were in the movies, Alfred was still happy with Arthur. Even if the man was busy with his work, and Alfred had projects and paperworks to finish before the graduation, and even if there were times when they would argue over stupid things like Arthur not paying enough attention to Alfred, or Alfred being such an affection-starved puppy, they always made up in the end. With awesome dates and fun ‘activities’ in bed.

Arthur was two years older than Alfred, so obviously he was, in a way, busy with his old-people world, copy-editing works in the publication company he was working on. Alfred, on the other hand, was still in the last year of his university, majoring in both Physics and Mathematics, probably one of the subjects that Alfred could excel. Because his English and Geography and History were crap.

But it was a much known fact that Alfred was in love with Arthur. He was so in love with him that he was very cheesy and, to an outsider’s point of view, it was almost unbearable. At heart, he was a cliché, movie-abiding romantic, so of course, the first thing he did that morning was to call Arthur to greet him a “Happy Tenth Monthsary, Darling”, with his low bedroom voice, only to receive a groan from the other line, indicating that he just woke Arthur up. Which wasn’t a very good sign. Arthur without tea was scary, and it was Alfred F. Jones saying it. So he just said, “Sorry darling! I’ll just call you later and give you the biggest kiss from your most awesome boyfriend!” and promptly hung up. He didn’t want Arthur to be grumpy and annoyed with him on their tenth monthsary, so he would do his best to be the most loving and accommodating boyfriend, hoping they could be together later that night for some quiet dinner and cuddling in the couch. Or a wild night in bed. Whatever his mood and libido wanted.

But the day passed on and Arthur never called him to greet him back. He checked his phone every now and then, hoping to at least hear from his boyfriend what he was up to. But maybe he was busy with work. For the past few weeks, Arthur had been busy with work – always swamped with late-night paperworks, and last-minute editing, that he often told Alfred that he couldn’t come to their dates because his boss would kill him if he couldn’t finish his work on time. Man, his boss surely was a slavedriver, Alfred thought sulkily. He couldn’t blame Arthur for that though. He was fairly new there, still under probationary, so all the dirty works would be passed to him. But maybe, Alfred perked up optimistically, once he was a regular in that publishing company, he would surely have more time for him! He couldn’t wait until then!

With only a message of “Happy Monthsary too, Alfred”, the said man exited the grand university gates and bought a bouquet of flowers, making sure there were red roses somewhere in the bundle, and proceeded to the place where Arthur was working. Arthur had pointed it out one day when they were walking along the street, but it was the first time that Alfred would be waiting for Arthur after work. It seemed the most romantic and heroic thing to do, he told himself.

He debated on whether to wait at the lobby of the grand building, or to wait outside the glass doors. In the end, he thought that Arthur’s surprised expression was more worth it if he saw him outside of his workplace, instead at the lobby. So like the love-sick puppy that he was, he waited for him.

People filtered in and out of the door, but no Arthur came out. He had been waiting there for an hour already, and the by-passers were looking at him because he was a tall, handsome dude bringing a bouquet of flowers. Ladies sighed but went their way, knowing that it was meant for whoever the lucky girl was. Too bad it was for a lucky guy. He was itching to grab his phone and call the old man, but that would ruin the surprise – Arthur got suspicious a lot, thus thwarting all of Alfred’s surprises for the last few months. But the hero wasn’t all deterred by such trivial things, because in the end, Arthur would always smile and laugh and kiss him, and every sacrifice he did was worth it.

So when two hours had passed, and his bouquet looked like it was going to wilt, Alfred gave in and dialed Arthur’s number, pressing the phone against his ear and cheek. At the first round of ringing, Arthur didn’t answer. So Alfred called him again. And this time, his boyfriend answered, although in a bit of an annoyed tone. “What is it, Alfred? I’m in the middle of a business dinner right now.”

The stab of hurt that pierced his chest didn’t show in Alfred’s voice, or even in his face. He was still cheerful as he greeted his boyfriend again. “Hi Artie! Sorry, I didn’t know you’re having dinner today. So it means we can’t see each other tonight, right?” He didn’t remind Arthur that it was their tenth monthsary – his cute boyfriend had a tendency to be a scatterbrain, so he obviously had forgotten about it. And besides, Alfred didn’t tell him beforehand that he had plans for tonight, so it was kind of his fault anyway.

“I’m really busy with work, and for the next few days also – so it’s better, I guess, if you find yourself something to enjoy while I can’t be there to entertain you,” Arthur said stiffly, and Alfred only muttered an “Okay” before the line was cut off. He stood there numbly for a moment, his mind still processing what the heck just happened, and maybe trying to rationalize the stinging he was still feeling in his chest. Arthur was always a bit cold, even if they were dating together for months already, so Alfred should be used to this, right?

He stared at the bouquet in his arms, finding them a bit useless, now that Arthur was busy tonight. So he just decided to go to Arthur’s apartment and place the bouquet at his doorstep, and as cheesy as it sounded, it was the only thing he could do. He just couldn’t throw away the bouquet. It would be a waste if he did so.

Alfred didn’t sleep well that night. He didn’t understand why – he drank his bedtime milk and read his Physics book so he could fall asleep faster, but he still woke up in the middle of the night, feeling bothered and lacking. He tossed and turned and forced himself to fall asleep, which he managed by the time the clock reflected three forty-five AM in its face. He woke up at six in the morning later, feeling utterly crap.

Good thing he was genuinely a morning person, or else he would have ditched university and go back to sleep. Which was the good choice, because when he arrived at his classroom, his Physics professor motioned for him to come to his table, and when Alfred did, the wrinkly professor told him that he had great news for him in the faculty later.

And Alfred wondered why the professor told him that so early in the morning. Now he couldn’t keep his thoughts away from the good news, and Arthur. He texted him a good morning, and since it was the norm lately, he didn’t get a reply from him. Shrugging, he focused back on the lectures, and when he had free time later that afternoon, he went to the faculty and was ushered to sit in front of his professor’s table.

“Alfred, I am very much aware of how excellent you are in your majors, both in Physics and in Mathematics,” his professor began, and Alfred found himself nodding along. He knew he got great marks in all his major subjects, but he wasn’t aware that his efforts were actually acknowledged by his professor.

“And among the students here in your class, I think you have the brightest future, so I’m going to tell you that you are the one chosen for the Post-Graduate Master’s Degree scholarship in Harvard University. Isn’t that great, Alfred Jones?” the professor looked at him expectantly, and Alfred was both happy for the news and worried what it might mean for his future – in particular, his future with Arthur.

“Thanks for choosing me, Prof! I’m honored to be the one you think is worth it for the scholarship!” Alfred admitted, still in a state of disbelief over such wonderful news. Man, he was acknowledged by his professor! And even got the scholarship! It was a great opportunity, but…

“But I want to consult first my family about it, okay? Can you give me time until I can give my final decision?” Alfred asked.

He was glad when the professor just nodded and said, “I understand, boy, it’s alright. Just come to me before the end of the fortnight, or I’ll be giving it to the next person who’s qualified. Graduation is just next month, and we need to send all your documents to Harvard. I hope you’ll make the right choice.” He smiled at him and Alfred was dismissed.

Alfred knew his family would support him without fail. They would even be proud of him once they heard the news. But… there was just one thing that was stopping Alfred from saying yes to the scholarship.

Arthur.

He had to see Arthur soon. He had to talk to him about it. He said he was busy, right? Could Arthur spare a moment for Alfred? He pulled out his phone and debated whether to call his boyfriend or not. It was still early, so Arthur would be working. Would he be too busy to pick up the phone?

In the end, Alfred called him, and Arthur answered after the third call. “This better be important,” Alfred could almost see Arthur gritting his teeth in annoyance. Arthur sure loved his work a lot. Alfred wanted to feel pity for himself but he pushed the thought aside and cheerfully asked, “Darling! When are you free? I have something important to ask you,” he inquired, and he hoped that Arthur would tell him that he was free that night. He actually missed his boyfriend so much. If Alfred was honest with himself, he had been missing Arthur and his presence for weeks already. He was so busy with work.

“Haven’t I told you I’m busy for the next few days?” A sigh. “You’re really not listening to whatever I say.” A shuffling of papers was heard, and Arthur spoke again. “I’m free next Wednesday. You can go and spend your time with me, but not before then! I need to show to my boss that I’m more than capable. I don’t want him to think I’m slacking after so recently having been hired.” Arthur was touchy whenever his capabilities were questioned. He always wanted to be the best in whatever he did.

Alfred sighed dejectedly. “Okay. So where can I see you next Wednesday? Can I wait for you at your workplace?” he asked in a soft voice. The stinging in his chest was growing more and more noticeable each day.

“Of course not! What would my co-workers think? And what was that bouquet for in my doorstep last night?” Arthur hissed. He was more than annoyed at Alfred.

The blue-eyed man closed his eyes and sighed. “It was just a gift from me. You know, for our tenth monthsary. At least you saw the bouquet, right?”

Arthur fell silent on the other line. And then Alfred heard a quiet, “Oh. Right. Our monthsary.” Alfred shook his head. Arthur really was a forgetful person, wasn’t he?

Alfred chuckled in a depreciating manner, and said, “It’s okay Art. I know you’re busy. Just… let’s see each other once in a while, okay? Next Wednesday, right? No other appointments on that day. Just reserve that day for me.” He heard Arthur’s soft “okay” and he ended the call.

No need to talk about idle things when his boyfriend was so busy with work.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred is in love with Arthur. Arthur is in love with his work. When Alfred realizes that he is just a hindrance to Arthur's success, he gives him the freedom to do what he really wants. Break up fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is another break-up fic I've been itching to do since forever. Please forgive me for inaccuracies.

Alfred’s last phone conversation with Arthur was on a Tuesday, when Arthur told him that he was busy with work, and they could only see each other on Wednesday of the following week. It was already Thursday, and Alfred hadn’t tried contacting Arthur at all. He knew not to bother him, especially when he emphasized that he would be very busy this week. And he still didn’t get any messages from him. His boyfriend was still so busy with work.

But Alfred was very much excited for Wednesday night. Arthur had promised him that day, and he would do everything to make that night the most memorable, and being the cheesy romantic that he was, he had already reserved a table for two at a four-star restaurant in their area, knowing that Arthur loved fancy, formal dinners. He already had selected what to wear for the occasion: a classic black blazer, black suit pants, and a gray shirt, with a navy blue tie – Arthur’s favorite tie for him. Arthur would be proud and happy to see him, and maybe the man would be falling in love with him even further, he thought happily, knowing how much Arthur loved it when Alfred wore formal attire.

Even though Alfred was more distracted than before, considering that the stinging pain in his chest never seemed to go away whenever he thought of Arthur –  which was a lot – he still managed to submit his thesis by Friday of that week, earlier than his other classmates who were still struggling with what they would write on their paper. His professor, the one who offered him the scholarship, smiled and said, “See how great you are, Alfred? You’re the first one who submitted his thesis today. You still have until next week to think about the offer, but please remember, _make the good choice._ ”

Alfred nodded at him and thanked him once again for being the one he thought was worthy of the scholarship, but the words of his professor made him _think_ , which, according to Arthur and some of his friends, was never a good thing.  Either he would be sprouting nonsense things, or he would start telling others about certain theories he had that no one would comprehend.

_Make the good choice._

Obviously, accepting the scholarship was the _good_ choice, Alfred thought as he walked around the campus. He didn’t have any more lectures on that day, and since he already had submitted his thesis, he was good as free. The thesis served as their final exam, and maybe next week they would be practicing for graduation.

His parents would be happy for him, and being the only son of Albert and Emily Jones, he would be the family’s pride, so to speak. His parents loved him so much that they want him to be happy, so they accepted his relationship with Arthur with open arms. Because of that, he also knew that whatever his decision about the scholarship, his parents would support.

One of the reasons why he wanted to see Arthur as soon as possible was to hear what he had to say about the scholarship offer. If Arthur would say he didn’t want Alfred to go, he would decline the scholarship in a heartbeat. Because, deep down, he always, always wanted to be with his grumpy, cute boyfriend. Who wouldn’t? Arthur was smart, dedicated, and he had this amazing smile that he rarely showed to anyone else, except for Alfred. Even if lately he hadn’t seen that special smile coming from his boyfriend’s lips, he knew that Arthur still reserved that for him. Because he was Arthur’s boyfriend, after all. Arthur was sometimes coldhearted and he sometimes wasn’t as honest as he should be, but Alfred still loved him, and he wanted to be with him. This work Arthur had made him long for his boyfriend – which was a good thing, wasn’t it? There’s this saying that said, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” Alfred surely wanted to see Arthur soon.

Wednesday couldn’t come any sooner.

Later found Alfred strolling around the shopping district, browsing through the glass windows of the stores, until he happened upon the flower shop where he brought Arthur’s bouquet the other day. He stared at the flowers, and when the familiar young lady greeted him, he immediately asked, “How many roses do I need to tell “I will love you forever”?” The girl, who already knew this man from before, was at first surprised by his question, when she smiled and said, “Nine roses, Mister. It means, “We’ll be together, forever.” Alfred’s eyes shone with excitement. It was perfect! Arthur really loved roses, and things about… floriography, wasn’t it? And surely he would get the meaning of nine roses. After all, Alfred wanted to spend his forever with him.

_That is, if Arthur want him still._

That sudden thought brought a stabbing pain his chest, and he quickly pushed aside the painful, painful idea. No, Arthur wanted to be with him. He’s just busy with work, that’s all. He even reserved his Wednesday for him, didn’t that mean that he was eager to see Alfred as well, right?

Awkwardly rubbing his chest, he gave the curious storekeeper a sheepish smile as he paid for the nine bouquets and told her that he would be picking up the roses next Wednesday, around six in the evening. The girl nodded and said her thanks, saying that she had noted it and the bouquet would be ready by the time he specified.

He went out of the store and decided that maybe he needed to go back home. He might just play away the pain and the longing.

-USUK-

Tuesday of next week came, and Alfred woke up very much excited. He would be seeing Arthur tomorrow! He could finally wrap his arms around him and just hold him close. Sink into his warmth as he swayed the two of them to and fro. And then he would kiss Arthur so gently, just brushing of lips, and it would evoke the longing, the need between them, and maybe they would be enjoying the night away in each other’s arms. That was how Alfred envisioned their meeting, and why wasn’t it Wednesday yet?

He had graduation practice today and tomorrow as well. His professor was giving him the encouraging looks whenever they met, as if the professor himself couldn’t wait for Alfred’s answer. He really did want him to push through with the scholarship. Alfred still hadn’t decided, not until he would tell Arthur about it. Graduation would occur the next week, and all of the professors were busy grading the theses their students submitted. Once the grades were released, and if Alfred agreed with the scholarship, the university would send his transcript of records to Harvard, and he could go there any time after that. It was one of the perks of being a scholar, they said.

Once graduation practice was over, Alfred eagerly sent a message to Arthur, saying, “ _Hey darling, you ready for tomorrow’s dinner? ;)_ ” He received a reply hours after, around seven in the evening, saying, _“Yes, Alfred. We’ll meet in the same meeting place, right?”_ And Alfred’s eyes twinkled in delight. Arthur replied to him! He would really be seeing Arthur tomorrow, and he couldn’t wait anymore! He jumped on his bed and clutched his pillow, burying his face on the soft cushion. He was so happy he almost couldn’t believe it. Arthur would be there tomorrow. He would be spending a great evening with Arthur, and they would talk about lots of things, including the scholarship offer.

Alfred replied to Arthur’s message, telling him that they would meet in their usual meeting place, the old bookshop near the park at six-thirty in the evening. The place had been their meeting place, since Arthur loved staying there and reading used books while Alfred arrived at a later time – he was a bit of a latecomer before. And since Arthur was lost in reading, he wouldn’t mind that Alfred arrived late. It worked well for the two of them.

-USUK-

It was Wednesday afternoon, and Alfred was getting ready for his date with Arthur. He made sure his face looked good, and he wore the formal attire he readied a week ago, and even put on the expensive cologne perfume which he knew Arthur secretly loved. He was so excited and happy to see him again. ‘It’s been so long,’ he thought with a smile. How he wanted to show Arthur how much he loved him.

He went back to the florist at six o’clock sharp, and took his bouquet, and while walking towards the bookshop where they would meet, he could see women looking twice at him when he passed them by. And he could say that he looked really handsome, wearing a black blazer and suit pants, plus holding a bouquet of nine roses. He sure hoped Arthur would be happy to see him as well.

When he arrived at the bookshop, Arthur nowhere to be seen. Considering that it was still six-twenty in the evening, he was pretty early, considering that he was usually the one who arrived late in meetings. He smiled at the owner of the shop, an elderly lady who already knew them by face, and he sat on one of the cushioned seats in the shop, counting the minutes until six-thirty.

Six-thirty came and went, and Arthur was still not around. Alfred glanced at the glass window outside, and saw that many people were rushing on the streets. He sat back up against the wall, tapping his foot as he contemplated whether to text Arthur or not. But it was only six-forty, ten minutes after the agreed time. Surely it was okay for Arthur to be late, right? He might still have things to finish up at work.

His excitement slowly dwindled, slightly worried for his beloved Arthur, but his heart raced up when he heard the doorbell ring, and someone entered the shop, he stood up and peered at the door, hoping that it really was the person he was waiting for.

It was. Arthur Kirkland was standing in the doorway, with a tired smile on his face.

Alfred had half the mind to throw the bouquet away, just to run and embrace the man he missed so much. But the flowers were for Arthur, and he just walked briskly instead. He was about to wrap his arms around him in a very large hug, but Arthur stopped him before he could do so. “Not here,” Arthur whispered, his eyes looking at the old lady watching them. The taller man was disappointed that he couldn’t hug him now, but he complied. He didn’t want to annoy his beloved Brit in any way tonight.

So instead, Alfred handed the bouquet and told him, “I missed you, Arthur.” The man addressed looked up at him, and was about to open his mouth to reply, but a beeping sound distracted Arthur from saying what was on his mind. “Excuse me,” he said mindlessly as he took out his phone and read the message reflected on the screen. He frowned at his mobile, and typed back a reply, pressing keypads harder. Alfred, hand still offering the bouquet, waited for Arthur to finish his writing his message to whomever it was who texted him. Was it from work? His boyfriend’s frown deepened, and it worried the blue-eyed man.

When Arthur pocketed his phone back, Alfred asked, “Arthur? You okay?” Arthur turned to him and sighed, “Just some idiots from work. They’re supposed to be my seniors but they keep on asking me about this and that, as if I’m the one who worked for a longer time in the company.” The two of them fell silent for a few moments. Alfred wondered what he could say to distract the Brit’s thoughts from work.

Somehow Arthur didn’t have any intentions of receiving the bouquet, so he opted to lighten up the mood instead. “Hey, what do you think of my attire today? I look handsome, yeah?” The taller man said out loud, grinning at his boyfriend. Arthur smiled wearily and shook his head. “Wonderful. Now, where are we heading? I’m starving already.” His look told Alfred to lead the way and to not disappoint him with his restaurant of choice.

Alfred ignored the slight hurt that flared up when Arthur brushed off his appearance. He was hoping he would at least look at him in amazement. But he was confident about the restaurant, though. He led Arthur to the block where formal dining restaurants were located, and when he turned to look at his boyfriend, he saw the surprised expression on his face. Alfred’s large hand reached out to grasp Arthur’s. Startled, Arthur tugged his hand away by reflex, and even the feeling of rejection was slowly burning inside him, Alfred held on tight, wanting to hold even just his boyfriend’s hand, especially he hadn’t got any hugs from him. The shorter man yielded in the end, and the two of them walked further until they finally arrived at the restaurant Alfred reserved beforehand.

“I never knew you could choose a restaurant like this,” Arthur commented, his eyes roaming around the dim yet romantic atmosphere of the restaurant. The soft yet golden hue of the environment made his shoulders relax.

“I’m glad you like it,” Alfred said honestly. Even though he was confident that Arthur would really like it, there was still a one percent chance that he wouldn’t — Arthur was harder to read these days, especially with his new work.  The waiter led them to the table Alfred reserved beforehand, and when they finally took their seats, he hoped they would have a wonderful evening tonight.

-USUK-

They didn’t.

Arthur’s mood worsened, and he kept on typing on his phone, muttering about ‘killing those bloody idiots’ every now and then. Alfred tried to break the tension he was starting to feel, but Arthur just glared at him whenever he attempted to be funny. He began playing with his food, pushing the meat around and smearing the sauce all over the plate. He kept on glancing at Arthur, but the man was just glaring at his phone. He’d never put down the device ever since they gave their orders to the waiter.

“Arthur, maybe you should ignore them for a moment?” Alfred asked him nicely. He wanted to spend time with Arthur, but all the man had ever done was type on his mobile. Couldn’t they wait? Why do they keep on texting Arthur about problems they surely could solve themselves?

“I just can’t ignore them — my credibility as someone reliable is at stake. I need to make sure that they will see what an exceptional employee I am, Alfred. Surely you won’t get it, you’re still a student,” Arthur brushed him off and continued typing on his mobile.

Alfred looked away from Arthur. That hurt. He knew that he was still a student — a graduating one, but still a student. But Arthur didn’t have to tell him just how different their worlds were. He personally knew it. The distance between them was starting to become apparent to Alfred, who solely believed that Arthur and he were _okay_.

But he still needed to tell Arthur something very important. “Artie? Can we talk for a moment? I just need to tell you something really important,” Alfred asked him, but Arthur only replied with, “Later, Alfred. I’ll just deal with these gits and be done with it.”

Was this the ‘distance that make the heart grow fonder’? Alfred thought sadly as he stared at Arthur who was still busy instructing his co-workers via text. Was Arthur actually missing him? He didn’t respond when he told him that. Was he… by any chance… a hindrance to Arthur’s success? Could their worlds now be so different that they couldn’t communicate to each other anymore?

Did Arthur still want him?

That thought made chest ache so painfully he had to squeeze his hands to stop himself from rubbing his chest. No, Arthur surely wanted him still. Right? He did agree to have dinner tonight, even if all he ever did was text his co-workers. Even if they hadn’t talked about anything significant to them. Even if Alfred hadn’t told Arthur about the scholarship. Even if they hadn’t communicated _at all._

Alfred saw Arthur put down his phone, and he breathed a sigh of relief. No, all those thoughts were nothing but just plain speculations. Arthur was putting down the phone now. Surely he’d talk to him and they’d finally have that great night he’d envisioned days ago. “Well, what was it you were going to talk about?” Arthur asked him as he sipped his wine.

“Well, it’s about—” but Alfred was cut off when Arthur’s shrill ringtone rang across the room, and the flustered Brit excused himself as he rushed outside to answer the call. Alfred was left sitting on the chair, his eyes wide and his chest feeling hollow. He waited for a few moments, but Arthur still wasn’t around. Resigned, Alfred signaled the waiter to bring the bill. He paid the dinner alone, while he waited for Arthur to come back.

After half an hour, Arthur came back inside, his frown settling deeper than before. Alfred made the decision to not tell Arthur about the scholarship today. He didn’t want the Brit to think of any other thoughts aside from work, because work was so important for him. Very important.

Alfred walked Arthur back to his apartment later, the silence following them. They didn’t even hold hands — Alfred knew for a fact now that Arthur now didn’t like public displays of affection. But when they finally reached Arthur’s doorstep, Alfred couldn’t stop himself and pulled the man against him, pressing his face against Arthur’s shoulder, squeezing him tight. Arthur struggled, saying that he shouldn’t embrace him where people could see, but Alfred paid him no heed. He just wanted to give himself the one thing he craved for these past few weeks: the feel of Arthur’s body against his. It’s been so long. He missed him so much, even if Arthur didn’t miss him in the same intensity.

Pressing a quick kiss to his lips, Alfred smiled and bid him goodbye. When he turned around to walk away, his smile fell and the hollow feeling returned. Thoughts now plagued his mind, prompting him to _make the good choice._

The best choice for him and for Arthur.

-USUK-

Thursday found Alfred standing outside the faculty room, his sweaty hand twisting the doorknob open. His professor looked up, giving him a big grin and a handshake when Alfred told him his final decision.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the lack of updates. Your comments are the inspiration for me to finish this. I hope you'll like this one as well. Thank you to briaranise for being my beta! And to angel-tilly in tumblr for reading it through.

Graduation was fast approaching and Alfred was struggling with practicing the graduation march and doing his best to distract himself from thinking about Arthur. He hadn’t attempted to call him again. It seemed that Arthur was doing fine on his own, because Arthur hadn’t communicated with him after their dinner the previous week. His transcript of records was already on their way to Harvard, and the professor had looked at him with such pride in his eyes that Alfred didn’t have the heart to imagine that his decision might be wrong. It was for the best, after all.

His parents were so happy with the good news that they decided to let him spend his vacation in Canada with his cousin Matthew. It would be a great way to relax before his grad classes started, they said to him a few days before graduation day. Alfred feigned happiness with the news — he still didn’t know what to say to his boyfriend, and he was losing time at a pace he couldn’t keep up with.

Alfred had told Arthur weeks ago – when he was still so excited about finishing his degree – that his graduation was scheduled for the eighth of June. Arthur had just hummed in reply, gazing distractedly outside through the glass window of the café they were meeting in. Remembering that incident, Alfred finally realized that he was either blind or in denial that his boyfriend was losing interest in him. The weight on his chest was heavier than before, along with the pain that never seemed to ease.

But it wasn’t really Arthur’s fault that his attention was focused on his work. It was bound to happen. Arthur had always been the studious type, always focusing on his responsibilities with such an intensity it was almost a joke to their other friends. But Alfred never saw it as a bad trait — in fact, he even admired that quality, because it made Arthur Kirkland the person whom Alfred loved so much.

Too bad love wasn’t always a two-way street.

Even though it hurt, acceptance was slowly coming to Alfred. Bearing that pain was the best thing he could do for Arthur.

-USUK-

Graduation came and went. Alfred kept the happy smile on his face as his professors and classmates congratulated him on earning the scholarship for Harvard. His parents were so proud of him. They asked him if Arthur could attend, and despite his hopeful heart, he told his parents Arthur was stuck with his work and couldn’t make it. They gave him encouraging pats and promised that they would celebrate the day with a wonderful dinner later.

His class took pictures in the grand staircase; they tossed their graduation hats and the fresh graduates felt like nothing could stop them from achieving their dreams.

Blue eyes had been anxiously scanning the area for a flash of sandy blond hair and emerald green eyes throughout the whole event. But in the end, Alfred didn’t see Arthur during his graduation ceremony. He didn’t even get a message from him. He painfully looked up at the clear blue sky, wishing that he wouldn’t be too affected by Arthur’s absence. The pain in his chest told him otherwise.

Alfred tried to cheer himself up with positive thoughts. He was done with his undergrad studies. He wouldn’t be a mere student anymore. He was now in the same world as Arthur.

Maybe he would understand Arthur better this time.

-USUK-

His family celebrated his graduation in an expensive restaurant. His parents filled in the happy chatter that he usually did, but Alfred wasn’t in the mood to engage in excited conversation. He didn’t even have the appetite to eat his dinner. He was forced to finish everything though, unless he wanted his parents to be worried. Deep down, Alfred just wanted to see Arthur again; to talk to him once more. To find out if Arthur still loved him.

The fresh graduate had been so distracted by his thoughts that he only managed to hear his parents gushing about packing. Packing? Who would be packing their stuff so early?

When they saw his confused look, Emily excitedly announced that they already bought him his plane ticket for Canada. “Isn’t that great, Alfred?” she enthused. “You’ll be with Matthew soon!”

Alfred couldn’t hide the shock from his face upon hearing the news, his wide blue eyes looking at them unbelievingly. They thought he was surprised in a positive way. He was expected to leave by the end of the week so he and Matthew could catch up. Alfred despairingly thought of Arthur. He did his best to thank his parents for their gift but everything was just too soon – he hadn’t even planned what he was going to say to his darling Englishman. He suddenly felt powerless and time was again slipping through his fingers.

He didn’t know how he made his parents believe he was all right. They got home after the supposedly wonderful dinner but Alfred felt like he was floating in a daze. What would he say to Arthur? How could he even talk to Arthur when the man hadn’t even tried communicating to him?

Alfred couldn’t sleep that night. He kept on thinking about how he would bring up his decision with Arthur. But Alfred had tried – oh god, he had tried telling Arthur during dinner the previous week. Arthur had been too busy that time. And Alfred, despite his persistence during the earlier stage of their relationship, gradually lost the confidence that Arthur still needed him in his life.

He told himself that he had to see Arthur the very next day. He was so determined about it. But when the morning came, every single time he picked up the phone to try calling his boyfriend, his hand froze and a huge lump became stuck on his throat. He couldn’t do it. He was honestly afraid of what Arthur would say to him. He felt his eyes sting and the hopelessness came back with a vengeance.

Days passed by with Alfred struggling to gather the confidence he’d lost piece by piece. He was growing even more frantic as the clock ticked and he was still searching for the will to call Arthur. Never before had he felt of afraid of what he would say. He still couldn’t face the fact that Arthur might be moving on without him.

He was moping in bed when his mom burst in his room, smiling brightly at him. He felt his own lips twitch upward. Despite the inner turmoil he was feeling, he was honestly glad that his parents loved him so much.

“Alfred,” Emily Jones chirped, bringing with her a suitcase. Alfred’s smile fell and he eyed the bag with apprehension, his thoughts flying to his impending departure and Arthur’s smiling face flashed in his mind. His chest tightened as his heart beat wildly against his ribcage. He sat up as his mother slid the suitcase in front of her, presenting it to Alfred. It was a shiny, brand new suitcase.

“I’ve already packed the things you needed!” Emily exclaimed. She was obviously giddy about Alfred’s trip to Canada and his incoming status as a graduate student. “You already have enough underwear and undershirt you can wear, and oh, oh! I’ve already packed your two favorite pants! And some of your favorite shirts. I’ve packed some toiletries as well! Isn’t it great, Al? You don’t have to worry at all!”

Hearing those words, Alfred’s anxiety shot up, but he did his best to give his mother a happy grin. It seemed that it didn’t work, since the smile his mother was wearing fell and she sat beside her son. Emily gently asked him if something was wrong. Alfred’s wide blue eyes looked at his mother’s warm, inviting ones and he found himself seeking his mother’s warmth and comfort.

If he was to be honest, Alfred had been feeling very cold for the past few months.

Emily held Alfred; waiting for him to tell her what was bothering him. She already had a gut feeling about what it could be, but she kept silent until Alfred told her of Arthur’s growing coldness in their relationship. When he was done explaining, Emily looked at her son and saw that his eyes were misty. She pulled him back into her arms and encouraged him in hushed tones to go and visit Arthur before it was too late.

Alfred nodded at her words, but his heart quivered in uncertainty. He wasn’t even sure if…  _Arthur still loved him._

But when he lay back in bed later that night, a strange, melancholic determination consumed him, leaving him somber and solemn as he began to acknowledge the reality of their relationship. He knew it would definitely hurt, and he might not get over it quickly, but he  _needed_  to see Arthur, no matter what.

His flight would be at 7:25AM the following day.

-USUK-

If there was one thing Alfred absolutely knew about Arthur, it was that the man was an early riser. He was already up at 4:30AM, something that Alfred couldn’t comprehend – how could people be up and about at that time? But it was a uniquely Arthur trait, and he’d grown to love it as much as he loved everything about Arthur. The thought brought an intense wave of hurt, but Alfred squared his shoulders, pressed Arthur’s doorbell and knocked against the door. It was an effective way to get Arthur to open the door quickly.

The apprehensive anticipation was already killing Alfred. With each second that ticked away, Alfred grew jittery and his throat became dry. How could he face Arthur and tell him what he had ultimately planned to do? Would Arthur even care? The memory of being brushed aside for the past few weeks made him feel so small and insecure. Should he even do this?

He wanted to step away from the door and turn back around, but the resounding click of a doorknob unlocking was heard. Before Alfred had a chance to tell himself he could do it, Arthur’s evergreen eyes were peering up at him, obviously irate at being disturbed at 4:45AM.

“Alfred?” Arthur looked at him in confusion and slight annoyance, the sleepy green eyes narrowing at him. Alfred’s heart began to thunder in his chest. He hadn’t planned what he wanted to say at him at all. He felt his hands sweating despite the cool temperature of early dawn. His feet were rooted on the spot and oh god it had been so long since he’d seen Arthur –

And Arthur was waiting for an answer, his fiery green eyes still clouded with remnants of sleep gazing back at him, his body half-hidden behind the wooden door. His hair was still as messy as ever, and Alfred felt the longing and love surging back to the surface with a force of a tidal wave. He couldn’t help it anymore. He missed Arthur so badly, it was physically hurting him.

The taller man didn’t answer Arthur and instead he took a step closer and pushed the door open. Arthur gave a startled cry but soon he was enveloped by large, warm arms that were squeezing him tight.

“A-Alfred!” Arthur let out an indignant squeak, too surprised to be embarrassed by that sound. Alfred didn’t relent though, and pulled him even closer until his nose was buried in the crook of Arthur’s neck. He inhaled the distinct rose and black tea scent that always clung to his bo–  _to_   _him_.

Arthur was stiff in his arms, doing his best to push him away. The subtle rejection of his embrace hurt so badly, but that alone was all the answer Alfred needed.

Trying to hold back the tears that began to pool in his eyes, Alfred pulled away and _looked_ at Arthur. He memorized his face: the messy blond hair, the thick eyebrows, the plump lips, the slightly crooked nose, his freckled cheeks, and his ever vibrant green eyes. He wanted to commit Arthur’s face to memory.

Alfred licked his dry lips, trying to form the words he wanted to say. Arthur’s face spoke volumes of his irritation, and he had already opened his mouth to give Alfred a piece of his mind when Alfred raised his hand to stop him from saying more hurtful things. He couldn’t handle any more pain.

“Arthur, I…” he swallowed the lump on his throat.  _Don’t fail me now,_  he begged his mind and body to cooperate with him. “Please hear me out first,” he pleaded to him. His tone sounded so pitiful, Arthur actually relaxed just a tiny bit.

“What is it that you need to disturb me at this ungodly hour?” Arthur sounded angry but his body language wasn’t as tense as before. It was enough for Alfred to continue.

Alfred fidgeted for a second, but Arthur was now scowling at him. “C-Can I kiss you first?” he said in a rush, his heart racing. Fuck, he didn’t mean for those words to slip out! He bit his lips, anxious of what Arthur would say now.

Arthur could only nod, clearly taken aback by the random request of affection. They hadn’t seen each other for weeks already, and Alfred felt his hands tingle in excitement, despite himself. He took a tentative step forward, while Arthur stood his ground.

Alfred felt his stomach drop, but he went on. Standing just a foot away from the one he loved the most, he shakily lifted his hands, cupping Arthur’s cheeks. Green eyes were staring back at him, unmoving.

Alfred squeezed his eyes shut and leaned down, feeling the press of Arthur’s soft lips against his own.

For a few seconds, everything felt right. Alfred’s tense muscles instantly relaxed; he was brought back to the days when he and Arthur shared chaste kisses full of affection and love. The meeting of the two pairs of lips never failed to make Alfred’s heart flutter.  _God, he missed him so much._

And then it was over as he forcibly pulled himself away and stared intently at Arthur’s green eyes.  _Hear me out_ , he tried to convey with his gaze. Hands still holding the other man’s shoulder, Alfred took a deep breath and ignored the minute quivering of his lips. He could do it.

“Arthur,” he began, unconsciously savoring the roll of his beloved’s name in his tongue. “I’m… There’s something I wanna…” he trailed off, looking very unsure. The shorter man shifted his weight and it snapped Alfred back on track. He swallowed the large lump on his throat.

“I know things haven’t been smooth for us these past few months,” Alfred could taste the longing in his words. He soldiered on. “You have your work and I had my senior year. Arthur, I…” he felt his throat constrict as his eyes began to sting.  _Not now_ , he begged, but god, everything hurt.

“I think it’s for the best if we… If we… take time for ourselves and get to do the things we always wanted to do, right?” Alfred said in a rush and tried to give Arthur a reassuring smile.  _It’s for the best, after all._ He wasn’t sure who he was really trying to reassure, though.

Arthur stood still, his eyes going wide, but Alfred didn’t notice, too caught up in telling him what he wanted to say. “Arthur…” he spoke again, voice becoming tight. “I’m… I’ve been accepted at Harvard for post graduate studies. Man, can you believe they chose me for their scholarship? I… tried to tell you about it, when we last met, but things didn’t go according to plan. Well… yeah.”

Blue eyes were now shimmering with unshed tears. Alfred’s smile became anguished as he did his best to keep his emotions in check. It was so damn hard.

The silence that descended upon them felt like forever even when it was just for a few seconds. Alfred licked his lips and went on. “There are many things I want in this world… but what I want the most is for you to be happy.”. He briefly cupped Arthur’s cheek, thumbing the smooth, freckled skin for the last time.

“Having a relationship with someone like me, right now, is a hindrance to your work. I know how much you love your work – I know you, Arthur. Giving your best for a perfect work performance is what you’ve always done, even way back during your uni days. That’s one of the very many traits that I –” Alfred choked on his words, but he took a shuddering breath.

“I love you, Arthur. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love you ever since we became friends three years ago – you mean the world to me,” Alfred slid his hand up to run his fingers through Arthur’s sandy blond hair.  _One last time_ , he promised himself. “I really want you to be happy and –” His voice broke and a sob escaped from his throat.

Alfred couldn’t take it anymore. He grabbed Arthur’s upper arms and pulled him right against his chest, embracing him for all he’s worth. It hurt. Why was saying goodbye so difficult? He was doing this for Arthur’s sake after all.  _For Arthur’s happiness_.

The smile he was trying so hard to keep fell away and a distraught look came to his face as the first set of tears finally fell from his eyes. His hands fisted Arthur’s pajama shirt and all he could say was “I’m sorry, Arthur.  _I’m so sorry_.” He lost his composure and he’s making a mess on the shorter man’s shirt.

Arthur was rigid and unmoving in his arms.

With a sharp intake of breath, Alfred hurriedly stepped away from his…  _ex-boyfriend_ and quickly pushed his glasses up, wiping the tears from his eyes. He didn’t want to make things worse.

“Heh, sorry about that,” Alfred tried to make light of the situation, but his broken smile spoke otherwise. Despite that, he continued, “I’m on my way to the airport now. Mom an’ Dad thought it’d be great for me to spend the summer in Canada before I start the new semester.” He shoved his hands in his pockets lest he made a fool of himself, again.

“I… I wish you the best, Arthur. I hope you’ll be happy with your career.” There was no bitterness in Alfred’s voice; only a hopeful, melancholic tone that didn’t suit his usually energetic voice. He paused for a moment, his feet shuffling uncomfortably, before he gathered all the courage he could muster and looked straight into Arthur’s eyes

_“Goodbye, Arthur.”_

Alfred turned away and walked out of the door, a bittersweet smile forming on his lips. This was for the best. The good choice.

_For Arthur._

-USUK-

Alfred couldn’t remember anything after that. He felt like his body went on autopilot while his mind tried to process everything. He was in a daze when his parents drove him to the airport. He couldn’t even remember how he went to the departure or how he got in the plane. Everything felt so surreal. He felt numb.

They were  _over_. He had broken up with Arthur. He had said his final goodbye. He was on his way to meet his cousin Matthew. There was no turning back now.

He should be happy about it, right? He was making Arthur happy and burden-free. He wouldn’t be a hindrance to Arthur’s success anymore.

 _He didn’t even run after you_ , a traitorous part of his brain supplied, and Alfred clenched his eyes shut, willing the thought away.

Alfred met his cousin with red-rimmed eyes. Matthew, being a sensitive fellow, gave him a one-arm hug and didn’t ask him what was the matter until they were finally home in Matthew’s place. Alfred was painfully obvious that something was wrong, but he grinned at him and told him things were definitely all right, that he’s just ecstatic he got the scholarship. Matthew didn’t believe him but he respectfully gave him space.

It took almost two weeks of false cheer, going out to famous tourist spots, and eating lots of fast food before Alfred finally broke down and told Matthew everything.

Matthew was sympathetic to his cousin’s heartbreak. He met Arthur a couple of times during his stay in the States, and knew how much Alfred adored,  _loved_  him. It wasn’t in his place to be angry for Alfred, but Arthur was such an insensitive, self-centered boyfriend. But he didn’t voice out any of those thoughts to his cousin, who still loved and cared for Arthur.

He fed Alfred lots of ice cream and told him he did make the right choice.

For two months Matthew helped let Alfred do whatever he wanted. But whenever his façade crumbled and his heartbreak emerged, Matthew was often there to comfort him and tell him it wasn’t his fault, and encouraged him to be strong. And it seemed that Alfred was slowly becoming better at handling his hurt feelings.

September came and Alfred felt like he could finally start anew. Arthur would always be his most important person, but he had accepted the fact that they weren’t meant to be.

Maybe, one day, he would see Arthur and they could be friends again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the end of their love story, I promise.


End file.
